ON MY MIND...
September 27, 2019.
The Great Rejection
It still stings. If I see or hear anything related to New York, I cringe. Any time I drive by a Gothic church, there’s a pang. But the worst pain is when I look on my bulletin board at the design that will never be. I haven’t taken it down for some reason.
I was part of a grueling, 9 month process to compete for the honor of designing and fabricating a new stained glass window for the famed Trinity Church on Wall St. in New York City. I was one of 2 artists who made it to the final round of competition.. It was nine months of dreaming, drawing, thinking, and envisioning what it would be like for my artwork to look down on Wall St. for generations to come. For millions of passersby every year to look up at my work. I did everything I could all along the way to present myself and my work in the best light. There was no stone left unturned. I put every ounce of thought into every stage, from my initial visit to NY up until the final screws were put in the crate that held my designs and glass samples. The design, the presentation, the letters, the revisions…Everything was perfect. I fucking nailed it.
On September 11 of this year, I got an email that began with the line “The group did not end up choosing your design.”
Bam. Just like that.
I have a huge circle of support in my career. I am surrounded by friends, family members, clients past and present, and even strangers who have been rooting like heck for me to get this project. When I received the rejection notice earlier this month, I had this tremendous feeling that I had let them down. When you’re doing something just for you and it doesn’t happen, thats one thing. But when you have a village behind you, especially a family who supports you with every decision, good or bad, that you’ve made in your career—man it sucks.
The last 6 or 7 years of my career, most of it at Judson Studios, has been filled with success. Big project after big project, selling and making stained glass for some of the most prestigious new buildings in the country. This project, if it was to be, would have been different. It would have been “Tim Carey” not “The Judson Studios” that landed this job. My name would have been on the window, my face in the news, my Studio forever etched in stained glass history. The money would have supported my family for years to come. “Just this one project, God…I promise, I’ll never ask for another one again.” “Just give me this and all will be well.” “I have to have it.” “This will change my life.” Thoughts like these and many more circled through my head for 9 straight months. Failure was not an option. I’m a competitive person. Way too much for my own good. I hate the regret I feel over what I could have done different. It’s a foreign feeling to me. Especially in this world, where I’ve been surrounded by success since day 1.
I don’t have a particularly poignant learning lesson at the end of this story. I’m writing it down and posting it exactly as I am feeling it. Writing has always been a therapeutic process for dealing with things that are completely out of my control. I have been and continue to be blessed beyond measure in my life. This will read very whiny and entitled to many, and that’s OK. I’m not looking for pity, (yes I am). This is just a thing that happened, that in the grand scheme of life means nothing compared to REAL challenges that people in my life are dealing with.
But I wrote about it anyway, because I felt like it.
Andy Gersh
29 Sep 2019In smaller ways, I can relate completely. Thank you for your honesty in opening up. I admire that. Until soon…
Tim Carey
29 Sep 2019Thank you Andy! See ya.
Mia Carlisle
28 Sep 2019Tim you’ve turned out to be a pretty good writer in addition to an incredible artist. Love you.
Tim Carey
29 Sep 2019Thanks Mia. 😘
Rev Deacon David
28 Sep 2019“God is not an author of confusion…” 1Cor 14:33. Your canvas is waiting for you and is going to be bigger than NYC. And I’m talking Eternity!!!! #JBOL#EternalCanvas
Anonymous
29 Sep 2019Thank you David- so glad to be working with you.